the shao-xi table
“how do you write a book with streams of consciousness? How do you write about scattered memories and broken thoughts? I guess you start with 2 pages. Ashley suggested. Just start with two pages. So I will start. I will start to write.”
“How do you write a book with streams of consciousness? How do you write about scattered memories and broken thoughts? “I guess you start with 2 pages.” Ashley suggested. Just start with two pages. So I will start. I will start to write.”
these are the words I found from 15 years ago.late twenties I believe. ashley still writing, still a good friend. and I am back o the same thought. same pages but different. living through the beginning of my forties. dar williams was playing in the background. i am the same grace. one song on repeat. wanting to write those two pages, there is comfort- the true things that remain unchanged . I suppose—part of the journey is to figure out those good true things. [feels preachy]
I will continue with the pages. I will write. before it gets clear— it will be messy. “but this is my favorite kind of day- it has no walls”
writing is green - ingrid is green .ashley is green. morocco was green.
I am not sure how one decides these things. colors. at 28 I picked out all the green pens and crayon, markers and just said — for writing. I asked ingrid what her favorite color was—she said ‘I think green’ — she reminds me of a gulf coast teal, a rolling green, or a pacific pine. sometimes a summer green but never a tropic wave. not sure why (pantone colors of my everyday a deep lake green, I suppose she she was on my mind in morocco- I couldn’t stop seeing green. looped back— yes. green- for ashley. yes. green. yellow green. i’m thinking of a fall olive. Olivine or eucalyptus, or a tropic foliage or a foating moss— or also a pacific pine - similar to ingrid’s but different. ashley is more like the green in marine tech. ingrid. brighter true green. perhaps- the cliche is true. life. they breath life. ashley - in her intent to write.— to stay alive - through all her life many downs— to write. and ingrid’s intent for color— I have yet to fully find out —
perhaps, after two weeks of binge watching sopranos, 6 feet under, nip tuck you can come back alive. you will come back alive. that you suddenly see those green pens, pencils and markers you designated as “for writing” and you wake up. you heal from that thing you think you cannot get over- that perhaps through the eyes of the green- we can come back to page1. we can get second, a third chance. infinite chances. perhaps we can finish. perhaps there is rest. that is grace. common grace.
how strange it is I am so clear so confident in the colors of others - not quite sure of my own. I suppose I never ventured on to page 2. and peand that is common grace
ashley- I will write. I will write.
to the greens in my life . I will write